Is Your "Resilience" Actually Burning You Out?
How to Shift from Surviving to Thriving as a Small Business Owner
WRITTEN BY: Mouna Laaragat
As a resilience mindset coach, I work daily with entrepreneurs who believe resilience is about grinding harder, pushing through the burnout, and sacrificing well-being for success. This common definition is what’s dangerous.
Let’s explore why our culture glorifies suffering and how we can reclaim resilience as a force for growth instead of survival. Here’s what I’ve learned, and what every HoLTie needs to understand.
Resilience Is Not Endurance
We’ve been taught that resilience is the ability to endure, to “power through” no matter what. But you know what that sounds like? Endurance. And endurance alone leads to burnout.
Think of it like running. Endurance is keeping the same pace. But to run a marathon, you need more: you need to grow, adapt, and strengthen. Resilience is the expansion that allows you to go the distance without breaking.
As entrepreneurs, we often fall into the endurance trap: taking too much on our plate, following outdated processes, repeating what used to work (which doesn’t anymore) until we hit a wall. I did this myself, and it cost me my mental health, my relationships, and nearly my sense of self.
The Danger of “Toxic Resilience”
Our culture celebrates the “rags to riches” narrative and shames those who haven’t “struggled enough.” This creates what I call toxic resilience: a belief that suffering is a prerequisite for success.
But there’s no glory in sacrifice. When we idolise relentless hustle, we risk losing sight of what truly matters: our health, our joy, and our purpose.
I’ve seen too many brilliant minds burn out because they believed their worth was tied to their struggle. As a community of freelancers and small business owners, we can reject it. Success doesn’t require suffering. Chances are we do suffer or had suffered enough. But martyrdom isn’t a sustainable fuel for growth.
True Resilience Is Expansion
To me, resilience is expansion. It’s the ability to LEARN from challenges, ADAPT with flexibility, and GROW through change. It’s inviting ourselves to migrate from surviving habits to thriving ones.
In business, this means building operational resilience: understanding what makes your business work, what’s critical, and what needs to change when things go wrong. It’s about auditing your processes before they break you.
For us as individuals, it means cultivating self-awareness, setting boundaries, and honouring our values. It’s about saying “no” to what drains us and “yes” to what aligns with our core.
How to Build a Resilient Mindset
Audit Your Patterns
Identify what’s holding you back. Is it a fear of failure? A habit of overworking? A limiting belief about money or worth? Recognising toxic patterns is the first step toward change.
Define Your Non-Negotiables
List your top values and narrow them down to three non-negotiables. Let these guide your decisions from who you work with to how you spend your time.
Embrace a Growth Mindset
Believe that you can learn and expand. Practice makes better. And “done” is always better than “perfect.” Reframing your mindset is not easy work, but that’s what people like me help you with!
Use Tools Like the Decision Matrix
When stuck, ask: What happens if I do this? What happens if I don’t? This simple exercise brings clarity and cuts through indecision. Especially when you have you top values clear and written down somewhere you can see them all day long.
Practice Gratitude
Train your brain to look for the good. Gratitude doesn’t ignore challenges! It helps balance your perspective and condition yourself for positivity (not the annoying toxic one).
You Don’t Have to Do It Alone
Resilience isn’t a solo journey. Boris Cyrulnik (the father of some resilience concepts) says, resilience is something we can’t do on our own. Communities like The HoLT exist for this reason: to connect, support, and grow together.
Whether you’re a freelancer, solopreneur, or small business owner, you’re in the right place to expand together with Love and Resilience.
Start Now, Not When It’s Perfect
Don’t wait for the “right time.” Don’t fear missing out and reframe that thought in order for it to motivate you. Take small, simple steps. Build habits that stick. Redefine resilience on your own terms.
Your journey toward a resilient, expansive mindset starts today. Not tomorrow. Not when everything is aligned. Now. (I was gonna say yesterday but didn’t want to take the piss too much)
Inspired? I’d love to hear how you’re redefining resilience in your life and business. Share your thoughts in The HoLT community or connect with me directly. Let’s grow together.
Remember: resilience isn’t about how much you can endure. It’s about how much you can expand.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Step away from overwhelm, stress and burnout patterns to embrace life cooler than a cucumber. Most coaching sells magical recipes for pain through distraction or a biased self-hyper-focus. But willpower is limited, and motivation with a stick never lasts.
For 33 years, Mouna chased success and love, but nothing ever felt like enough because she never felt enough. Hitting rock bottom forced her to see how childhood abuse shaped her life, relationships, and self-worth.
She learned defence mechanisms are survival superpowers until they cripple us. It forced her to see that true resilience is built with softness, not the rage we carry along our suffering.
Now a trauma-informed resilience mindset coach, writer, and podcaster, Mouna guides women to move beyond survival patterns with confidence, self-love, better relationships and a growing business.
